Dear Future (or new!) Preemie Mom,
First, Congratulations! While any new baby will bring a wave of change onto your life, finding out that your newborn is coming sooner than expected can really throw a wrench in the plans. I welcomed my fifth child at just 33 weeks, and while the journey was challenging, it also revealed incredible strength and joy. I remember thinking "I don't have the crib put together, I have absolutely no preemie clothes, and how am I going to get the other kids to swim practice every night?!" Letting your thoughts swarm like an erupted bee hive will only cause chaos and more harm. Here are some thoughts that I hope will guide and comfort you as you prepare as best as you can.
1. Choose you Anchor
Identify someone you can lean on—your spouse, partner, family member, or close friend. Communicate your needs clearly and work together as a team. This experience is not just yours; it’s a journey for both of you, and supporting each other will make a world of difference. As your baby departs for the NICU, it’s essential to have a support person by your side. The emotional rollercoaster can be intense, and you may not realize how much you’ll need help until you’re in the moment.
2. Write Everything Down
In the NICU, information flows fast and changes minute to minute. I found it invaluable to keep a journal where I documented care plans, progress updates, and my feelings. This practice not only helped me keep track of the details to report to other loved ones, but also allowed me to see the bigger picture of my baby’s journey, especially on days when it felt like progress was starting to regress.
3. Keep Your Mind Healthy
During those long hours at the NICU, having uplifting books, devotionals, or inspiring podcasts can be a source of light. Surrounding yourself with positive distractions can help anchor your spirit. Journaling can also serve as a therapeutic outlet, allowing you to express your thoughts and process them.
4. Stock Snacks and Comfort Items
The minutes are long but the hours go fast! It's hard to keep track of cafeteria hours around baby's feeding schedule and you will need the energy. Keep a basket filled with healthy snacks (and treats) on hand. If allowed, consider bringing a small plant or a comforting item such as a framed family photo to make the hospital room feel a bit more like home. A familiar robe or blanket can also make the room feel more comforting.
5. Don’t Give Up on Nursing
If breastfeeding is important to you, hold onto that goal. The journey may be longer and more complicated than expected, but it’s absolutely achievable. Seek guidance from lactation consultants—they can be your greatest allies in this endeavor. Advocate for yourself and allow the nursing staff to work with lactation nurses to come up with a feeding plan that includes introducing baby to breast as much as tolerable.
6. Accept The Help
I know, this one can be hard because we all know you are a "Warrior Woman" and you would never want to impose on anyone. Plus, you have everything perfectly under control... Freezer stocked with meals, etc etc. But look, your other kids might want a play date, or hot french fries instead of your instapot chicken for the 5th time. You probably do too and Door Dash can really add up quick. When friends and family ask how they can support you, don’t hesitate to have a list ready. Whether it’s running errands, bringing meals, or simply being a listening ear, accepting help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to let others share in your journey. Remember this, they offer because they truly WANT to help. (More details on this to come on another blog.)
7. Advocate for yourself.
As mama bears, we advocate for our babies instinctually and many times we suppress our own needs. Your postpartum mental health cannot be predicted. For example, in my head I was certain that my son was stable and in safe hands when he left my womb and went straight to the NICU at a downtown hospital an hour away. However my body was grieving the loss of him. Hormones were raging, I didn't have him to touch, see, or hear his little sounds. He wasn't able to lay on my chest or latch. I was also grieving the magical moment of "my birth plan," his first hospital visitors and first photos, strolling home in our matching loungewear 2 days later and coming home to meet the dogs. Refer to your anchor. You'll thank me.
8. Bask in the Miracle
Your baby is fighting to live. Remember, they are developing in their own way, just as they would in utero. Each movement, smile, sneeze, hiccup, is a gift that we get to see where typically we wouldn't at this stage. We are blessed to get to know them a little sooner. Every "milestone" for a preemie is known as an "inchstone" and is a testament to their strength and resilience. They will make progress and then regress. At times it feels 1 step is forward and 3 steps back, but refer to that journal and Praise God for how far they have come and what he has in store for their future. They are here for a reason, so hold onto that hope.
We named our little 3 pound NICU warrior, "Archer." The fact that Archer had a pretty typical NICU stay for his age with no major complications, surgeries, or lasting conditions is not lost on us. We are very thankful, and every NICU warrior has a unique and unpredictable story. We ask God for his blessing over you and your little one, keep celebrating every little miracle mama.
